Buenas Dias candy lovers! I was hoping to save this until we all got a taste of freedom, but that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen any time soon. So Cinco de Mayo seemed as good a day as any to hold our Candy Madness Championship! De nada.
With high hopes, 64 of the world’s greatest candies, chocolates and confectionaries took the stage for a run at the 2020 Golden Wrapper Trophy. Elite representatives from the Power Conferences, Mars, Hershey, and Ferrera held especially lofty goals coming in with most of the 1-4 seeds in their respective regions. But the David’s of this sweet battle looked to slay Goliath with underdogs like Sour Patch and the Haribo Heroes making significant noise deep in the tournament. One-by-one, favorites fell like Leonardo DiCaprio at the Oscars. Snickers, Lemonheads, M&Ms, Kit Kat, Hershey’s, Starburst and Skittles all failed to reach the Final Four. Yet, the inevitability of such a tournament made room for two very special representatives that navigated through their regions with Magellan-like skill. The sweet little Bears from Haribo gnashed and clawed their way through the Non-Chocolate Region and narrowly escaped the bear trap that Twix laid out for them to reach the championship match. Across the way, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups absolutely demolished their opponents mowing through the gauntlet of the Chocolate East and easily dismantling Jelly Beans in the Final Four. Our championship match was set…Haribo Gummy Bears vs. Reese’s PB Cups. Get your margaritas and tacos ready amigos…this fiesta is about to get started!
The little bears came out swinging early, relying on the prowess of their leader. Red commanded the action early and often like Grand Moff Tarkin across a galaxy far far away. Coupled with the long range abilities of Green and Orange, Red pounded the paint and smeared peanut butter chocolate across the court like a crazed painter. Not to be outdone though, Reese’s called on the big guns with holiday favorites Halloween Pumpkin and Christmas Tree putting a stop to the smearing of their all-occasion brethren. The powerful combination of Christmas joy and Trick or Treat delight brought the PBCs to within 1 at half.
Coming out of the locker room and after several gallons of deliciously satisfying milk, Reese’s found the greatness that propelled them to the championship match. First it was Mini raining down from outside the arc, followed by Big Cup crashing the boards over the under-sized G-Bears. Reese’s looked to be in total control in the second half, but Red wasn’t done yet. With as much excitement and enthusiasm as Bill Clinton at an intern convention, Red rallied his team to tie up the game 7-7 with just minutes to play. The crowd was salivating for a champion. After several unsuccessful attempts to close it out, the last possession went to Reese’s. Appropriately, regular ole Reese’s Cup took the ball at the top of the key with Red guarding him closely. Fake right, cross-over left and spinning off Red’s now sticky left shoulder, Reese’s Cup took it down the lane and slammed it home with a thundering jam and a smile on his face. It was all over. Weeks of chocolate sweat and peanut butter tears had culminated in this triumphant moment. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup takes the 2020 Golden Wrapper Trophy with an exciting 8-7 win over the Heroes from Haribo.
I hope you guys have enjoyed this attempt at fun and distraction during these trying times. I have certainly enjoyed all the conversation and back-and-forth from everyone. Hopefully you had Reese’s PB Cups on the final line. And if you didn’t, meh, it’s all sweet delicious fun anyway. Hopefully next year we’ll be bringing you the real thing. Until then…remember…cough in your arm, stay 6 ft away from people that look like death and Carole Baskin definitely fed her husband to the tigers. Be well friends.
Yours truly…The Commish